What the FAQ?
by Negaduck
Summary: Hack and Slash learn the facts of life. Rated T for off-screen activity.


**What the FAQ?**

By Kim McFarland

* * *

It was quiet inside the Principle Office command room. Only a skeleton crew of Binomes was here for the moment to oversee the routine system operations. Dot was not in the Principle Office; Phong encouraged her to leave such matters in his hands. He had been the Command. com for as long as anyone could remember, and though he had stepped down in favor of Dot he saw no need to foist all the myriad minutia off on her. Plus, she was a young woman, and had a personal life as well.

Phong had to admit to himself that he had an ulterior motive for shooing Dot out of the Principle Office. Against all odds Bob had returned from the Web, and she and Bob were making up for lost time. Phong approved. Politically, they were a perfect alliance. The chief protector of the system and the Command. com - together, they could unite the system in any emergency, and they had the intelligence and programming to cope with nearly anything imaginable. But, closer to Phong's heart, he knew that they were in love, and he wanted them to have every chance for it to blossom. Phong was old, but not so old that he had forgotten that part of life.

The result was that although he was no longer Mainframe's Command. com, he still spent most of his time in the Principle Office. That was fine with him. It had been his function for most of his runtime, and he frankly would not know what to do with himself without the daily routine. At the moment, the staff Binomes were taking care of most matters - but Hack and Slash were also here.

They were another case entirely. Phong had rebuilt them during the war and assigned them to protect Dot. They were fiercely, determinedly loyal, despite having been initialized by Megabyte to be his thugs. They would obey their boss's commands singlemindedly, provided the commands were issued by someone who understood their intellectual limitations. They were now spending a lot of time in G Prime on the wrecking crew, delighting in their task of dismantling Megabyte's old sector prior to rebuilding.

For now, however, the work in that sector was on pause, to give the work crews a break. Having nowhere else to go, Hack and Slash had returned to the Principle Office. Their programming apparently did not extend into the intricacies of dealing with leisure time, and they didn't have off switches. So, Phong had found a basic task for them: monitoring for tears. That was simple enough for them to do without supervision. The two bots could monitor the table tirelessly, with great attentiveness. They conversed in bursts of quick chatter, which the rest of the PO staff quickly learned to tune out.

Slash telescoped an arm toward the center of the table. "What's that?"

Both peered at it. "Some sort of brown thing," Hack said.

"A big brown thing."

"In the middle of CitE!"

"Phong!" they both called.

The golden Sprite wheeled over quickly. "What is it?"

Slash said, "It's this big, horrible blob! Look!"

"It's like a big blob."

"I just said that!"

"It's round too."

Phong extended his neck over the table. Then he sighed, took a cloth out of the drawer in his front, and wiped the table. "I sincerely doubt that Mainframe is in grave danger from spilled cocoa."

The two bots looked at each other. "Sorry," they chorused.

"Never mind. Just keep watch for tears," Phong instructed them as he wheeled away.

* * *

Over the next microseconds Hack and Slash, with considerable mental effort and discussion amongst themselves, protected Mainframe from dust, cup rings, and biscuit crumbs. Staring at the map could not begin to bore them; they specialized in mindless tasks.

Hack wheeled around the table and brushed at something on the table. As Slash joined him, he poked his finger at it. It was not something else left on the table, the white glow was within the table itself. "I believe we have a tear," Hack declared.

Slash peered at the glow. "That's an awful little one."

"No, that's not a tear-"

"But you just said it was."

"It's a representation of a tear. The _real_ tear's somewhere else!"

Slash stared at the table, awed by the deep concept. Hack looked at it too.

At length Slash said, "What do we do now?"

Hack replied firmly, "Phong said to watch for tears." That seemed to satisfy him. What more need be said?

Slash was doubtful. "He had to have a reason for us to watch for 'em."

Hack thought about this. "Maybe we should tell someone?"

"Bob fixes tears."

"Let's tell Bob."

"Right!" Hack nodded and tapped a key on the table, summoning up a VidWindow.

* * *

Phong, in his office, heard both Hack and Slash scream at the same time. He wheeled out into the main room, and nearly ran headlong into a pair of panicky bots.

"It's horrible!"

"-terrible, I'm telling you-"

"-I saw a tear, and called Bob-"

"-I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't'a seen it with my own eyes-"

"-I saw it too-"

Phong closed his eyes as they jabbered, alternating between tenor and baritone, their voicelights blinking frantically. He raised his hands, his three fingers spread. "Calmness is a virtue," he intoned softly. When they quieted down he opened his eyes. "Now, what is the problem?"

Hack spoke. "Bob's gone crazy or viral or something! He's nuts!"

Slash added, "He's attacking Dot! We've got to do something!"

"What? What are you talking about?" Phong asked, surprised.

"That!" both bots chorused, and moved out of the way so Phong could see the VidWindow that they had opened above the map table.

Bob and Dot were together in Dot's bedroom. "Bob, I'm... Oh dear User!" Her words faded into less coherent cries.

Phong rushed down to the map table and closed the VidWindow before the Sprites could notice that they had been seen, then engaged Bob's BRB code so they would not be disturbed again. Looking around, Phong saw that the few binomes in the room were going about their business and trying their hardest to look as if they had not been watching. And Hack and Slash looked confused and upset.

Phong understood. Of course they would have no notion of what they had seen; nothing like it was built into their programming. Sighing, he said, "I have some things to explain to you."

"But what about Dot?" Slash asked worriedly.

"And Bob?" Hack added.

"He was **hurting** her!"

"She is feeling no pain. Things are not always as they appear." One of the bots started to speak; Phong held up a hand for silence, then wheeled over to the exit and beckoned for them to follow him.

* * *

Phong guided them to one of the med rooms. He went to the terminal and sifted through the files. There were many readme texts on the subject, but he was looking for one written on a certain level. He found one designed for younger Sprites. It would do. He backed from the terminal and said, "Read this. It will explain everything."

Hack and Slash looked at each other, then went to the terminal. Phong wheeled out.

They read the title on the screen. "Where Do Sprites Come From?"

"Is this a quiz?" Hack wondered.

The first several screens of discussion of various aspects of Sprite family life. None of it applied to what they had seen, so they forgot it immediately. Then, just as they were becoming bored and confused, wondering why Phong had made them read this, the text suddenly became very relevant.

Hack and Slash read with growing disbelief. _"That's_ what that was?"

"I would never have thought it!"

"It looks like it oughtta hurt."

"Phong wouldn't lie to us," Slash admonished.

"Yeah... so that's what all that input-output was all about."

They read on. The text continued to describe the initialization and compilation of a new data Sprite, its pre-release alpha and beta stages, and the process of release. The details were, as ever, lost on the bots, but the basic theme was clear.

"All this time I thought they were built, like us!" Hack exclaimed.

"We weren't built. We were split," Slash corrected.

"Yeah, but before we were split, I was built. _We_ were." Hack gestured at the screen. "I didn't know that they built **themselves**!"

"What will they think up next?" Slash wondered.

* * *

Phong was in the Command room when the bots returned. He looked up and asked, "Do you have any questions?"

"No, your Phongship," they chorused brightly. "Crystal clear," Hack added.

"It _is?"_ Phong asked, surprised.

"Oh, yes."

"We didn't know Sprites were so _complicated."_

"We won't bother them again."

"Ah... normally they have their BRB codes engaged when they wish to be alone, to prevent them from being disturbed. If you find a tear and Bob is indisposed, alert Mouse. She will enclose it in a containment field until Bob can mend it."

"Aye-aye," the bots acknowledged.

They went back to monitoring for tears on the map table. Phong wheeled back to his office, thinking that that had gone much easier than he had expected. He had anticipated the difficulty of explaining some very complex issues in terms that they could understand. But then, the text he had shown them _had_ been simple, geared toward children. It seemed to have worked, he thought, relieved.

* * *

Early next cycle Bob and Dot returned via zip board to the Principle Office. Rather than being tired, they felt refreshed by their time together. They were not reluctant to get back to their duties; they'd be able to get together again soon. Between Mouse's aid with tear containment fields, Matrix and AndrAIa in the Games, and Phong coordinating things in the Principle Office, they had plenty of opportunities to be alone.

They alighted and minimized their boards. Bob put his arm around the Command. com's waist - she flashed him a warm smile - and they walked to the Command Room.

All was quiet. The few Binomes in the room seemed a little distracted - Bob thought he saw one blush and look away quickly - but otherwise it seemed normal. Hack and Slash, their backs to the entrance, were scrutinizing the large map table.

"Anything happen while we were away?" Dot asked.

Hack and Slash looked around quickly. "They're back!"

Hack put his hands to his voicelight. "They are indeed."

Both Bots wheeled over. "She's glowing," Slash observed cheerfully.

"Have you picked out any names?"

Bewildered, Dot asked, "What? What're you talking about?"

"Hack! Slash!"

The two bots turned to look at the small golden Sprite on the upper level of the Command Room. He was shaking his head, one hand on his forehead in a gesture of exasperation. "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing," he muttered.

"Uh, Phong?" Bob asked. He and Dot had taken several steps back, away from the overly enthusiastic bots.

Wearily Phong said, "I have a few _more_ things to explain to them." He gestured toward the exit.

Obediently Hack and Slash wheeled out the door. Phong hesitated as he passed Dot and Bob, looking as if he was about to say something, then continued on.

"Well, that was strange," Bob observed.

Dot shrugged. Whatever the problem with those two was, she was sure Phong had it well in hand.

Bob noticed a text file open in a small VidWindow above the map table. when he scrolled up to the title he saw "Where Do Sprites Come From?"

He chuckled, recognizing the children's text. Looked like Hack and Slash were delving into the mysteries of life. He minimized the window and, noticing the marking for a caged tear in Floating Point, went to mend it.

* * *

All characters are copyright © Rainmaker Entertainment. Rainmaker's properties are used without permission but with a heck of a lot of love and respect. The overall story is copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9 at aol dot com). Permission is given by the author to copy this story for personal use only. 


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